A weblog about all the inconveniences we encounter in everyday life. Diapers, junk food, cruelty to animals, hostile people, rude cell phone behavior, cancer, terrible customer service (also known as "why the hell am I giving this company my money?"), ignorance, parking, bad spelling, family disturbances, office politics, death (the biggest inconvenience of all) and more. Thanks for saving me thousands of dollars in therapy by reading my blog. It might even make you laugh.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Lunch of the Penguins

Announcing a new contest: Try to guess which one of the following random events did NOT happen in my life in the last month. As an added bonus, just for reading them you get a sense of what a nutty girl I am, how I spend a little too much time watching TV and how easily I'm moved to tears.

1) Sadly, we had no trick-or-treaters, and we had to eat all of the Snickers and Reese's peanut butter cups ourselves.

2) I made it to the train station on foot in the impossible time of eight minutes flat.

3) I cried when the Gaghan Family with the two cute kids got eliminated from The Amazing Race, and then I wrote them a letter after finding their address on the internet.

4) We got a letter from the Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services notifying us that Fredi's green card interview will be on January 12, 2006.

5) Someone (presumably a hungry teenage girl) stole my three-dollar peanut butter chocolate chip cookie from the VIP area at the Hanson concert.

6) I laughed hysterically when Trump mercilessly fired four people at the same time. I'll tell you, that was funny. If you're not watching The Apprentice and Lost this season, I think you're missing out.

7) I saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

8) I won $168,000 in an online poker game. Okay, I'll give you a hint. This one is true. It was play money. Is online gambling legal if it's for real money? I'm not sure and therefore I won't be providing you with more details about my newfound love for taking money from people I don't know.

9) I cried for just about the entire 80 minutes of March of the Penguins. Actually, we could not find parking near the theater and were late, so I cried for about 78 minutes and 17 seconds. If you have not seen this yet, run, don't march to the theater nearest you that is still showing it. You've never seen anything like it.

10) I cried when they sang "Happy Birthday" at Rory Gilmore's 21st birthday party, despite the shameless manipulation of the facts by the producers and writers of the show, because there's no way Rory could have turned 21 as she was only a freshman at Yale last year, which would make her about 18 or 19.

11) The night before Halloween, when Janet was walking towards the castle in the rain while holding the newspaper over her head, the girls in front of me turned around and yelled in shrill voices,"Stop it! Stop it!" when I was hitting them with water from a spray bottle. (Bonus points if you have any idea what I am talking about here) .

Prizes are yet to be determined but will not be of any substantial monetary value.

P.S. Does everyone have things they send in the mail arrive at the destination open and with the contents missing? And does everyone order things from web sites and catalogs only to find out UPS has the package, but it's been broken into and the merchandise is missing? Or is that just me?